omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
