it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
