After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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