He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
