The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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