Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
