It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
