He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
