how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
