This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
