i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
