When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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