I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
