so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
