ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
