I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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