...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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