Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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