Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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