You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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