currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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