fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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