You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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