drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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