i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
