i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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