I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
