I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
