My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
FUCK WHALES
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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