All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
