he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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