i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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