giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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