We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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