he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When did angry sex become our thing?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
