apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
