have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
