Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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