Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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