Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
