i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
