we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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