I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
