I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
ttyl tear gas
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
