Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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