My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
