"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
