I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
