If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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