I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
