It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
