Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
