Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
