8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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