doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
