So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Naked. naked and bneed help.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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