Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
