I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
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Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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