Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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