I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
