She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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