Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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