Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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