The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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