My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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