I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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