I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
