my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
