Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
