hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize