You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
